“This is a tapestry I made myself! I just finished it!”
“…. this is…. big.”
“Eighty feet long, ten high, in forty panels! It was originally going to be sixty feet, but then the Thomas Malory Arthuriana got big and I had to put more stuff in.”
“… Malory published in the fifteenth century.”
“Do you have any idea how long it takes one person to embroider eight thousand square feet of tapestry?”
“You’ve had a lot of free time in the last eight hundred years, haven’t you?”
“Not once I took up embroidery as a hobby, no!”
“Want to see my stalagmite cultivation work?”
So for about 7 years now, the running gag has been that my wife is the piggy princess. WE DO NOT have time to cover the stupid jokes and cute conversations that led us here, but the jokes write themselves, honestly.
My VERY favorite thing I do for her is that I make Miss Piggy Themed parody shirts of cliché goth band shirts. I am very, very proud of these, btw.
I SAID IM PROUD OF THESE, GODDAMN IT
I WANT THE SIOUXIE ONE SO BAD THO
My toxic trait is also corrosive and mutagenic so I should be transported carefully and only handled by licensed professionals
If your boss tries to implement me without the accompanying OSHA and EPA training, call your union steward.













